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Asli Humor

AsliMasti
Selected AsliMasti Jokes


1)
A signboard on a halwai shop reads: “Credit only to those above 85 if accompanied by both parents.”


2)
At the New Year’s eve party at a fashionable hotel a girl was overheard talking to her boy friend, “Don’t get tense and be worried.

Micky – when I told you that I was going to be a mother, I only meant yours. Yes, next month I am going to marry your father.”


3)
One day Laloo appeared on KBC(Kaun Banega Crorepathy) with him he brought his entire family.

First question : One + One?

Laloo thinking : uses all lifelines and answers three

Amitji : Sorry Laloo wrong jawaab groans from laloo`s family : give him one more chance give him one more chance Amitji feeling sorry for distraught laloo,

decides to give him another go so he asks Laloo : three + two?

Lalloo answers :six

Amitji cannot believe it, but because Laloo`s family begs for him to give Laloo another chance, he does

Amitji : Laloo last chance, three + three? Lalloo sweating answers six Amitji is silent, suddenly there is a roar from laloo`s family: give him one more chance, give him one more chance...


4)
At an intermediary station on the Bombay route, two mail trains for Bombay and Delhi pulled up. The station being a meal-halt, the trains stopped for a long while; a Sardar heading to Bombay, got into the wrong train going to Delhi. In it he confronted another Sardar.

After the initial Sat Sri Akaals, one asks the other the destination and each gives the same. The person on the wring route then exclaims “Oh, what progress India has made! Same train, same compartment, same cubicle, one berth goes to Delhi and the other to Bombay!”


5)
A Managing Director was interviewing a charming lady for the post of Personal Secretary. Finally he asked the lady what salary she expected?

Very modestly she replied “Rs. 2500, Sir.” “With pleasure,” said the Managing Director. “In that case Rs. 3500, Sir,” was the prompt reply by the lady.


6)
A couple had been married for 25 years and also celebrated their 60th birthdays. During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each.

The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her wand and boom! She had the tickets in her hand. Next, it was the husband's turn.

He paused for a moment, and then said shyly, "Well, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me." The fairy picked up her wand and boom! He was 90.


7)
Once Bholajee was asked to perform the duty of Bus-Conductor/ticket collector as well as of driver. He accepted both the duties and started performing both the duties.

Once Bholajee`s bus gets involved in an accident, and so the police start their investigation with Bholajee. When Bholajee was asked how the accident happened?

He replied that "mujhe kya pata main to pichlay hissay main khara hua ticket le raha tha" (I don`t know how it happened I was busy in the back collecting tickets)


8)
This happened to an American visitor in Madras. In his hotel room he picked up the telephone one night and asked for a 7-Up.

The switchboard operator answered in his best English, “7-Up? Yes, Sir.” The cold drink never arrived, the next morning the tourist was woken up punctually at seven o’clock.



9)
A man, showing off his knowledge to another asked if he knew what shape the world was. “I don’t know,” said the second. “Give me a clue.”

“It is the same shape as the buttons on my jacket”, said the first. “Square,” said the second. “That is my Sunday jacket,” said the first.

“I mean my weekday jacket. Now what shape is the world?” “Square on Sunday, round on weekdays,” said the second man.


10)
In a ship the Generals of three nations were traveling with their soldiers. They started the topic that whose soldier had more of guts.

The American general called for one of his men and told him to jump down the ship and take a round swimming around the moving ship.

The soldier did as he was commanded and the general boasted of by saying "See the guts !". Now the German general called out for one of his men and asked him to take two similar rounds.

The soldier did as he was told. when he came back from the water the German said "See the guts ". Now the Indian General called out for his most courageous man and asked him to take five similar rounds.

The soldier promptly replied, "Am I your dad's servant?". At this the general proudly said "See the guts".

 AsliMasti Jokes Archive (stuff@aslimasti.com)

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