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AsliMasti
Selected AsliMasti Jokes
1)
An Economist opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit
the door, ripping it off completely.
When the police arrived at the scene, the
lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW. "Officer,
look what they've done to my Beeeeemer!" he whined.
"You Economist's are so
materialistic, you make me sick!" retorted the officer. "You're so worried about
your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped
off!"
"Oh my God," replied the Economist, finally noticing the bloody left
shoulder where his arm once was. "Where's my Rolex?!?"
2)
A chap having seen blisters in both of his Sikh friend's ears asked him what
happened to his ears. He said that while he was busy ironing his clothes, the
telephone rang, and he mistakenly put the iron to his ear instead of the
receiver.
Then the first fellow asked him what happened to his other ear, and the
reply was "That fool called me again!"
3)
A drunk walked into a bar crying. One of the other men at the bar asked him what
happened. “I did a horrible thing,” sniffed the drunk.
“Just a few hours ago I
sold my wife to someone for a bottle of scotch.” “That is awful,” said the other
guy, “And now she’s gone and you want her back, right?”
“Right,” said the drunk,
still crying. “You’re sorry you sold her because you realized too late that you
love her, right?” “Oh, no” said the drunk. “I want her back because I’m thirsty
again!”
4)
A woman was driving her old beat up car on the Highway with her 7-year-old old
son, Little Johnny. She tried to keep up with traffic but they were flying by
her.
After getting caught in a large group of cars flying down the road, she
looked at her speedometer to see she was doing 15 miles over the speed limit.
Slowing down, she moved over to the side and got out of the clump that left her
in the dirt. She looks up and sees the flashing lights of a police car.
Pulling
over, she waited for the officer to come up to her car. As he did he said,
"Ma'am do you know why I pulled you over?" Little Johnny piped up from the back
seat, "I do! Because you couldn't catch the other cars!"
5)
Laloo becomes PM and goes to Pakistan for a one-on-one with Nawaz Sharif. They
decide to meet without aides and are closed for about 5 minutes.
Then Nawaz
Sharif comes out and drops a bombshell - Pakistan has decided to giveup all
claims on Kashmir, with no strings attached! The world is stunned.
Laloo has
achieved in 5 minutes what others had failed to in 50 years! How did you do it,
what did you promise, the press clamours.
"Sab Akai TV - waalon ka kamaal hai,"
says Laloo. "Woh kehte hain na, TV loge tho fridge free milega, video khareedein
to cellphone free milega...
th ham bhi Nawazbhai se keh diye: "Aapko Kashmir
chaahiye na? Le jaayie. Magar saath mein Bihar free milega, bas!"
6)
A slip fieldsman had a particularly depressing day during which he dropped no
less than ten catches all off the same bowler.
After the game he was talking to
the bowler when he broke off and looked at his watch. "I must go," he said, "I
have a train to catch."
The bowler looked at him bitterly. "Let's hope you have
better luck with that, then."
7)
The phone rings at CBI headquarters. "Hello?" "Hello, is this the CBI?" "Yes.
What do you want?" "I'm calling to report my neighbor Bubba, who is hiding
marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank you very much for the call, sir." Next
day, the CBI agents descend on Bubba's house. They search the shed where the
firewood is kept.
Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no
marijuana. They glare at Bubba and leave. The phone rings at Bubba's house.
"Hey, Bubba! Did the CBI come?" "Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood?" "Yep"
"Great, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."
8)
When Gavaskar finds out that there has been released, a movie, in Australia
called "Gavaskar", he is very happy. He plans to watch it and gets a ticket for
Australia at once.
With great difficulty he manages to get a ticket and very
happily he goes to see the movie. But when he comes out of the cinema he is very
angry!
He goes straight to the director of the movie and says, "What do you mean
by this? You named your movie `Gavaskar`, but didn’t show anything about me in
it!".
The director of the movie laughs and says, "So now you understand the
problem? You people too made a movie called `Border`, but did you show anything
about Allan Border in it?"
9)
This is Osama Bin Laden's favorite Song Main Niklaa Aeroplane Le Ke.... Raste
Mein New York Pe... Ik Mod Aaya ..... Main Trade Tower Tod Aaya... Rab Jaane Kab
Guzraa.... New York.......... Kab Pentagon AAya.. Main Uthey Aeroplane Fod aaya.......
10)
Sanath - Swings At Nearly Anything That's Hurled.
Kambli - Killed All Mediocre
Bowling, Left Immediately.
Kapil - Killed Aspiring Pacemen In Land.
Sohail -
Swore Once, Heralding An Infamous Loss.
Prasad - Promised Revenge Against Sohail
And Delivered.
More - Mouthing Obscene Rubbish Everywhere.
Gavaskar - Grafting
Away Valiantly, Always Successfully Killed Any Result Goes Around Venting Angry
Spiel Kicking About Rudely.
Azhar - At Zenith Had Ambrose Reeling.
Azharuddin -
Almost Zaheer-like His Artistry,Rivetting Umpteen...Devoted Doting Indian
Nationals.
Vishy - Vodka Is Sweet, He Yells.
Tendulkar - Tiny, Exciting,
Neverending Dynamo Undyingly Labours, Keeps A Record.
Amarnath - After Many A
Reincarnation, Now Acknowledged Top Hand.
Prasanna - Prince Radiant Among
Spinners, Astutely Nailed Nimble Attackers.
AsliMasti Jokes Archive
(stuff@aslimasti.com)
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