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AsliMasti
Selected AsliMasti Jokes
1)
Three rats are sitting at the bar talking bragging about their bravery and
toughness.
The first says, "I'm so tough, once I ate a whole bagful of rat
poison!"
The second says, "Well I'm so tough, once I was caught in a rat trap
and I bit it apart!"
Then the third rat gets up and says, "Later guys, I'm off
home to harass the cat."
2)
This was a story told to us by our chemistry master at school. A female student
wished to make some potassium hydroxide solution (aqueous) and decided to throw
a large lump of potassium into a bucket of water.
Her professor observed what
she was about to do, out of the corner of his eye and hurried towards her, and
after confirming this was what she was intending to do, asked her first to stir
the water in the bucket for five minutes before adding the potassium.
She was
puzzled and ran after him to ask the purpose of this action. 'It will give me
time to get away' said the professor.
3)
A car was involved in an accident in a street. As expected a large crowd
gathered. A newspaper reporter, anxious to get his story could not get near the
car.
Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, "Let me through! Let me
through! I am the son of the victim." The crowd made way for him. Lying in front
of the car was a donkey.
4)
At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his
girlfriend. "Don't you want her name engraved upon it?" asked the jeweler.
The
young man thought for a moment, and then, ever the pragmatic, steadfastly
replied, "No, just engrave it: To My One And Only Love. That way, if we break up
and she throws it back to me in anger, I can use it again."
5)
After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his
blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the
phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened.
When
he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and
said, "I have some bad news.
My grandfather just died." "Thank heavens," his
date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"
6)
Two men got out of their cars after they collided at an intersection. One took a
flask from his pocket and said to the other, "Here, maybe you'd like a nip to
calm your nerves."
"Thanks," he said, and took a long pull from the container.
"Here, you have one, too," he added, handing back the whiskey. "Well, I'd rather
not," said the first. "At least not until after the police have been here."
7)
A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. A
passenger sees a conductor walking by outside. "What's going on?"
she yells out
the window. "Cow on the track!" replies the conductor. Ten minutes later, the
train resumes its slow pace.
Within five minutes, however, it stops again. The
woman sees the same conductor walk again. She leans out the window and yells,
"What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?"
8)
A nun in the convent walked into the bathroom where mother superior was taking a
shower. "There is a blind man to see you," she says.
"Well, if he is a blind
man, than it does not matter if I'm in the shower. Send him in." The blind man
walks into the bathroom, and mother superior starts to tell him how much she
appreciates him working at the convent for them.
She goes on and on and 10
minutes later the man interrupts: "That's nice and all, ma'am, but you can put
your clothes on now. Where do you want me to put these blinds?
9)
On the day of the local match, the captain was talking to one of his men. 'Look,
here's a pound,' he said. 'Go out and buy a new ball or something.
Anything
that'll help us win.' The match began and the captain noticed that the same old
ball was being used. He called his man over.
'What did you do with the pound?'
he asked. 'Well, you said anything to help us win.' 'Yes.' 'I gave it to the
umpire.'
10)
An older couple was lying in bed one night. The husband was falling a sleep, but
the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk.
She said, "You use to hold my hand
when we were courting." Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second,
and tried to get back to sleep.
A few moments later she said, "Then you used to
kiss me." Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and
settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said. "Then you use to bite my
neck. "Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed. "Where are you
going ?" she asked. "To get my teeth!"
AsliMasti Jokes Archive
(stuff@aslimasti.com)
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