Selected AsliMasti Jokes
For the first time in many years, a an old man traveled from his rural town to
the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped at the
concession stand to purchase some popcorn.
Handing the attendant $1.50, he
couldn't help but comment, "The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only
15 cents." "Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin, "You're really going
to enjoy yourself. We have sound now."
A man walks out of a bar totally hammered, only to be greeted by a snobby woman.
She takes one look at him. "You, sir, are drunk!"
"And you ma'am, are ugly. But when I wake up, I will be sober!"
A teacher asked a pupil a question, but she could barely hear the child speaking
since the other kids were making too much noise. In an attempt to quiet them,
she said, ''I can hear voices!''
Two janitors outside heard the teacher and one said to the other, ''Jeez, she
better stop telling the kids about her mental problems!''
An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question,
"Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No."
The next question, intended for
people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?"
The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."
Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he says, "we're
doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help
with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."
Smith" the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off." "Thanks, boss," says
Smith "I knew I could count on you!"
A man was traveling down a country road when he saw a large group of people
outside a house. He stopped and asked a person why the large crowd was there.
farmer replied, "Joe's mule kicked his mother-in-law and she died." "Well,"
replied the man, "she must have had a lot of friends." "Nope," said the farmer,
"we all just want to buy his mule."
What is deference between man and Superman? Man wears underwear under the
trouser and superman wears it over the trouser.
Some people ask the secret of Anthony's long marriage. They take time to go to a
restaurant two times a week: a little candlelight dinner, soft music, and a slow
walk home. The Mrs. goes Tuesdays; He goes Fridays.
A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve
frolicking in the Garden of Eden. "Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the
"They must be British." "Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're
naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French." "No clothes, no shelter,"
the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told
this is paradise. They are Russian."
A man sat down at a bar, looked into his shirt pocket, and ordered a double
scotch. A few minutes later, the man again peeked into his pocket and ordered
This routine was followed for some time, until after looking
into his pocket, he told the bartender that he's had enough.
The bartender said,
"I've got to ask you - what's with the pocket business?" The man replied, "I
have my lawyer's picture in there. When he starts to look honest, I've had
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