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AsliMasti
Selected AsliMasti Jokes
1)
The boss returned from lunch in a good mood and called the whole staff in to
listen to a couple of jokes he had picked up.
Everybody but one girl laughed
uproariously. "What's the matter?" grumbled the boss. "Haven't you got a sense
of humor?" "I don't have to laugh," she said. "I'm leaving this Friday."
2)
Here are a few verappan jokes. Tamilians shud be able to enjoy it better. What
happens if veerappan becomes the chairman of kingfisher?
ans: Beerappan. What
happens if veerappan becomes the chairman of bisleri?
ans: Neerappan. What
happens if veerappan becomes the chairman of bambino vermicelli?
ans: Kheerappan.
How does veerappan's daughter begin a letter to him?
ans: Dearappan. What does
veerappan give as incentive to his employees?
ans: VSOPs... Veerappans
Sandalwood Options. They can cut the sandalwood trees 5 yrs after joining his
gang. What is the name of Veerappan's IT company
ans: VIPRO (Veerappan IT
Products).
3)
"There was once a young man, in his youth, his desire was to become a great
writer. When asked to define great, he said, "I want to write stuff that the
whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional
level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!" He now
works for Microsoft writing error messages..........
4)
The cricketer was proud of his progress as a batsman and invited his
mother-in-law along to watch him play, hoping to impress her.
At the crease, he
turned to the wicket-keeper and said 'I'm anxious to do well and really hit this
ball. That's my wife's mother over there.'
'Don't be silly,' said the
wicket-keeper. 'You'll never hit her at two hundred yards.
5)
In Haryana's one small town one bus full of passangers was standing at a bus
stand. One old lady could'nt find any place and finally came to drivers seat and
sat.
When the driver came to drive the bus, he asked the old lady "Ma tu yehan
se uth ja mein bus challaoonga. She quickly replied mein yehan theek hun tu
kahin aur beth ke bus chala le."
6)
A woman was getting gas at a Shell station off the freeway. As she whistled
while pumping the gas, a UFO parked beside her car and a tall green alien came
out. It too was pumping gas.
The woman out of curiosity asked, "UFO stands for
unidentified flying object, right?" The alien replied, "Stupid humans. It means
unleaded fuel only!"
7)
A little girl was failing math. Her mother enrolled her in Catholic school in
the hopes to improve her math grades. During the first marking period, her
mother noticed a dramatic improvement in her math studies.
The girl would refuse
playing with friends and eating dessert after dinner in order to study more. On
report card day, her mother was astonished to see that her daughter got an A+ in
math.
She asked her daughter, “Why the sudden change of attitude about math --
do the nuns punish you?” The girl replied, “No, but when I saw the little man on
the wall nailed to the plus sign, I knew that this school is very serious about
math!”
8)
One day a group of husbands and wives went to a scientific program. The doctor
there was showing them brains from real people and telling how expensive it would
be to buy one.
He said it was five million dollars for a female brain and ten
million dollars for a male brain. The men snickered, thinking they knew why.
One
of the women said, ''Well, why is that, sir?'' The doctor answered, "The men's
brains cost more, for they have never been used."
9)
After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment,
my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base in Germany with my eight
siblings and me -- all under age 11.
Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of
us entered the cramped customs area. A young customs official watched our
entourage in disbelief, ''Ma'am,'' he said, ''do all these children and this
luggage belong to you?''
''Yes, sir,'' my mother said with a sigh, ''they're all
mine.'' The customs agent began his interrogation: ''Ma'am, do you have any
weapons, contraband or illegal drugs in your possession?''
''Sir,'' she calmly
answered, ''if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now.''
10)
Once there was a golfer whose drive landed on an anthill. Rather than move the
ball, he decided to hit it where it lay. He gave a mighty swing.
Clouds of dirt
and sand and ants exploded from the spot. Everything but the golfball. It sat in
the same spot. So he lined up and tried another shot.
Clouds of dirt and sand
and ants went flying again. The golf ball didn't even wiggle. Two ants survived.
One dazed ant said to the other, "Whoa!
What are we going to do?" Said the other
ant: "I don't know about you, but I'm going to get on the ball."
AsliMasti Jokes Archive
(stuff@aslimasti.com)
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