Selected AsliMasti Jokes
So there was these three guys on a train, national train. One was russian, one
was chinese, and one was a desi.
The Russian guy sticks out his hand and says
'This is russia 'cuz its very cold!' The Chinese guy sticks out his hand and
says 'This mai friend is china, its got mild weather!'
Then the desi guy, very
determined, sticks out his hand and says 'Oye this is my India!' On asked how he
knew he replied, 'Cuz my watch got stolen!'
How do u confuse a surd??
Ans: Put him in a circular room and ask him to find
a corner. 2) How does the sardarji confuse you??
Ans: He tells you he found the
Once there was a farmer who raised watermelons. He was doing pretty well but was
disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night
and eat watermelons.
After some careful thought he came up with a clever idea of
scaring the kids. The next day when the kids showed up they saw this sign which
One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with
poison!" And so the kids ran off. The farmer shows up the next day and when he
looks over his field he notices that no watermelons are missing but he sees
something scribbled on the sign he had put up. The scribble read: "Now there are
From a passenger ship, everyone can see a thin bearded man on a small island,
shouting and desperately waving his hands.
'Who is it on that island?' a
passenger asks the captain. 'I have no idea..... but every year when we pass, he
Saddam Hussain approached God and asked him, "When will peace return to my
country?" God answered, "You can never see peace in your country during your
Saddam wept bitterly and walked away. Nawaz Sharif approached God and
asked,"When can I see a united Pakistan with Kashmir?"
God said,"You can never
annex Kashmir during your life time." Sharif wept and walked away.
approached God and asked, "When will Bihar become a civilised state?" God wept
bitterly and said,"I can never see that happening during my life time."
A man got a new Ferrari for his birthday and went to test drive it on the
highway. As he was driving he wondered how fast it could go, but before he could
get very far he heard sirens.
He sped up thinking he could outrun the cop, but
then he came to his senses and pulled over. The cop walked over and asked for
the man's license and registration.
Then the cop said, "Listen, Mac, it's
Friday, I'm tired, and I just want to go home, so if you can give me an excuse I
haven't heard before, I'll let you go."
The man thought for a minute, then
replied, "My wife ran off with a cop the other day, and I thought you were
trying to give her back to me." The cop nodded and said, "Have a nice day."
There was an Aggie, a Longhorn, and a Bug Eater. They attempted to rob a bank
but got caught. They went to court and were sentenced to the electric chair.
guys operating it told them that if they survived they were free to go. The
Longhorn went first. They asked him if he had any last words to say. He told
He pressed the button and nothing happened so he was free to go. The
bug eater went next. They asked him if he had any last words to say.
He said no
and pressed the button. Nothing happened and he was free to go. The Aggie went
next. They asked him if he had any last words. "I think if you plug the chair in
it will work better."
Two young engineers applied for a single position at a computer company. They
both had the same qualifications.
In order to determine which individual to
hire, the applicants were asked to take a test by the department manager.
completion of the test, both men had each missed only one of the questions. The
manager went to the first applicant and said, ''Thank you for your interest, but
we've decided to give the job to the other applicant.''
"And why would you be
doing that? We both got nine questions correct," asked the rejected applicant.
"We have based our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you
missed," said the department manager.
"And just how would one incorrect answer
be better than the other?" the rejected applicant inquired. ''Simple,'' said the
department manager, ''Your fellow applicant put down on question #5, 'I don't
know.' You put down, 'Neither do I.'''
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of
himself that he starts calling his wife "Mother of Six" in spite of her
One night they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home, and
wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of
his voice, "Shall we go home Mother of Six?"
His wife, irritated by her husbands lack of discretion shouts back...
"Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!"
One night a father sent his kid to bed. Five minutes later the boy screamed,
''Dad! Can you get me a glass of water!?!'' ''No. You had your chance.''
minute later the boy screamed ''Dad!! Can you get me a glass of water?'' ''No.
You had your chance. Next time you ask I'll come up there and spank you.''
''Dad! When you come up to spank me can you bring me a glass or water?''
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